sometimes I wonder if a screw in me has come loose
occasionally, the feeling that the sky's gonna fall on me anytime now can really be so immense;
it's like that very strand of DNA which codes my sanity is thinning
*snap*
I bet you it will if I continue contemplating the 'what ifs'
what if I don't meet up to expectations anymore?
My own expectations, and of course my parents'. It's really not about lowering the expectations. It's about rebelling against myself lol.
Yeah, resisting the rebel in me just drains my being. Ah well, be glad it comes only once in a while xD
what if I tell my parents I'm very stressed and I don't wanna study anymore, that I just want a hug from 'em?
Hah, I could easily do that and then be free from chemistry! It has been chem the whole week.
Well, telling myself taking h3 chem purely for the sake of interest clearly isn't helping in any way. Still, realising how stupid and careless I was just takes a further toll on me. Then again, 'learn from your mistakes' - how to when sometimes, all you get is one opportunity and that's it?
When I fail to adhere to my organiser, guilt sets in.
And this means, I had never not done anything planned out in my organiser (thanks a lot jy for that organiser) That said, completing every single task laid out for myself, by myself, always seems so satisfying despite many other opp costs involved.
When I don't meet up to expectations, guilt sets in.
And this usually means that regardless of how much I have to sacrifice, I'd make sure I'm there. Like.. there THERE. Doing whatever it takes - and this may not be that positive. Irreversible damages are often inevitable - white hair (more of 'em) & darker eye circles
Oh, now that I think of brain cells..
I wonder
Do my brain cells like die .. die?
Or do they burst with info overload, then die?
Or maybe they expand beyond their limits (with more info) and then die a complete cell?
Perhaps, they expand to their limits, and then all the info vanishes, and then they shrink and shrivel and then DIE.
Tags; s h e ' s n o t m a k i n g s e n s e
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Well, the evening took an ugly turn.
Darren pissed mom and dad off again.. his 3rd time.
It was really bad. Papa was like.. really more than just on fire x_x
And I had to help collect the hot water, or mom's backache will worsen.
The whole atmosphere was really horrid. It's like family time gone bad. Real bad.
I know he didn't mean to.
But his self-centeredness sometimes can really have a ripple effect.
On the maid.
She got scolded.. for ''failing to check the bathroom/hear the water dripping''
Sad ):
Good luck to me for the tests this week.
I need to push more arrows!!! I suck big time..why can't I see it?!?!?!?!
Like ..GOSH .. Ok. Some practicality needed.
Let's see if having that bit of confidence in arrow pushing will see me through the week.
*Prays*
Tags; Chemistry
Darren pissed mom and dad off again.. his 3rd time.
It was really bad. Papa was like.. really more than just on fire x_x
And I had to help collect the hot water, or mom's backache will worsen.
The whole atmosphere was really horrid. It's like family time gone bad. Real bad.
I know he didn't mean to.
But his self-centeredness sometimes can really have a ripple effect.
On the maid.
She got scolded.. for ''failing to check the bathroom/hear the water dripping''
Sad ):
Good luck to me for the tests this week.
I need to push more arrows!!! I suck big time..why can't I see it?!?!?!?!
Like ..GOSH .. Ok. Some practicality needed.
Let's see if having that bit of confidence in arrow pushing will see me through the week.
*Prays*
Tags; Chemistry
Friday, February 20, 2009
I felt warmth hearing "but you are a girl" from a guy.
Despite that, I'm still an individual.
W/o disabilities.
I have arms and legs and I don't really see any problem with using them to move dozens of chairs and tables.
Hmm.. Gender and the associated stereotypes.
Albeit it's (really) nice when guys help the girls move bulky stuff (:
Gentlemanly.
Nonetheless, this has got me thinking.
I wrote my second essay on gender yesterday - an impending disaster *shudders*
Hah.
Stereotypes - I don't wish for them to be eradicated.
Nope I don't.
They make life more interesting, with the controversies and all.
Besides, I doubt such judgements will ever be eliminated either yay
At least I know the majority of girls do dumb themselves down in front of their more egoistic male counterparts.
Plus, it's good that both sexes are not the most equalized.
I'd rather die than complete my 2.4 under 10 mins
x_x!
Tags; chair moving chairs + tables
Despite that, I'm still an individual.
W/o disabilities.
I have arms and legs and I don't really see any problem with using them to move dozens of chairs and tables.
Hmm.. Gender and the associated stereotypes.
Albeit it's (really) nice when guys help the girls move bulky stuff (:
Gentlemanly.
Nonetheless, this has got me thinking.
I wrote my second essay on gender yesterday - an impending disaster *shudders*
Hah.
Stereotypes - I don't wish for them to be eradicated.
Nope I don't.
They make life more interesting, with the controversies and all.
Besides, I doubt such judgements will ever be eliminated either yay
At least I know the majority of girls do dumb themselves down in front of their more egoistic male counterparts.
Plus, it's good that both sexes are not the most equalized.
I'd rather die than complete my 2.4 under 10 mins
x_x!
Tags; chair moving chairs + tables
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I don't care if my friend emos.
Like.. what the hell.
It's because I can't even take control over my emotions, so how am I even going to take care of how others feel?
hahahahahahahaha.. *tries to crack myself up*
That aside, the weather pisses me off.
s t u p i d n o n - l i v i n g t h i n g
It makes me lose focus, even when I try to mug at night. Like MATH. It's the easiest to do math anytime, anywhere. But I completely couldn't concentrate earlier.
WHAT IS MY DAMN PROBLEM?!
Maybe the cloudy eyes.. oh no. No excuses for you girl.
Well well, enough of crap.
Ms Ang - our 4th GP teacher (she's only taking us for 3 wks).
She's a cool dudette. Hah. She analysed our personalities today based on our handwriting (:
It feels very weird to have someone tell you what you are, when you're supposed to be the one who knows all about you.
kristyn is..
1) impatient
2) very focused and controlled i.e. rather restricted (i would say disciplined)
3) very definite (I make an effort to be decisive because I can be quite intolerant of indecisiveness - esp the boys)
4) straightforward - unlikely to pretend if I like/dislike something
5) a mix of an introvert and extrovert
6) In b/w living in the present and future (still trying to understand this)
7) doesn't like to be (easily) read by people (heck the grammar)
Tags; spam mailS from tan pinhong
Like.. what the hell.
It's because I can't even take control over my emotions, so how am I even going to take care of how others feel?
hahahahahahahaha.. *tries to crack myself up*
That aside, the weather pisses me off.
s t u p i d n o n - l i v i n g t h i n g
It makes me lose focus, even when I try to mug at night. Like MATH. It's the easiest to do math anytime, anywhere. But I completely couldn't concentrate earlier.
WHAT IS MY DAMN PROBLEM?!
Maybe the cloudy eyes.. oh no. No excuses for you girl.
Well well, enough of crap.
Ms Ang - our 4th GP teacher (she's only taking us for 3 wks).
She's a cool dudette. Hah. She analysed our personalities today based on our handwriting (:
It feels very weird to have someone tell you what you are, when you're supposed to be the one who knows all about you.
kristyn is..
1) impatient
2) very focused and controlled i.e. rather restricted (i would say disciplined)
3) very definite (I make an effort to be decisive because I can be quite intolerant of indecisiveness - esp the boys)
4) straightforward - unlikely to pretend if I like/dislike something
5) a mix of an introvert and extrovert
6) In b/w living in the present and future (still trying to understand this)
7) doesn't like to be (easily) read by people (heck the grammar)
Tags; spam mailS from tan pinhong
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I don't like it when the sky groans at night
It's intimidating
But it has been making a lot of noises the past week
w h y ?
The bad thing is that these noises make me feel very insecure
(I don't close the windows so if it rains I G_G)
It really sounds like fireworks.. Maybe the first day felt like fireworks were being blasted
But the next few days.. abit the impossible right? How can they be lighting fireworks which seem to last forever >_>
I wonder what is wrong
Seems freaky, but not as much as scary
No worries though - kristyn's a brave girl (:
Tags; purple orange sky
It's intimidating
But it has been making a lot of noises the past week
w h y ?
The bad thing is that these noises make me feel very insecure
(I don't close the windows so if it rains I G_G)
It really sounds like fireworks.. Maybe the first day felt like fireworks were being blasted
But the next few days.. abit the impossible right? How can they be lighting fireworks which seem to last forever >_>
I wonder what is wrong
Seems freaky, but not as much as scary
No worries though - kristyn's a brave girl (:
Tags; purple orange sky
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Freaky friday
Let's not mention what happened on the way to pasir ris park this morning - now I feel awfully blessed
O'nite 2009 was horrid.
why?
Because I chose for it to be this way
It really blinded me from all the really fun and hyper stuff I did today (grr)
Flew a kite (yay)
+
Bridged
+
Had quality photog bonding time (or so I believed but yays anyway)
kristyn covered O'nite super mega ultra reluctantly and half-heartedness really didn't get me anywhere with the photo-taking. I was pissed with the prosumer. Ugh >_> & I just wanted to get home so badly. Thankfully, 167 took only 2omins to reach home plus the random 'emo' music from shuffle mode helped (:
kristyn really really didn't want to cover orientation.
But why did she go? She could have said no. (gosh it's super rhyme-y)
Besides accounting to myself, there were others (esp those I respect) whom I needed to account to as well.
In the end, the mega hot water bath I took helped soothe the negativity & the photog bonding time (after conducting CBA) offsets the indignance felt towards the unwillingness and compulsion due to accountability (though the blistered toes stay e-e-e)
CHEERS ((:
Tags; accountability
Let's not mention what happened on the way to pasir ris park this morning - now I feel awfully blessed
O'nite 2009 was horrid.
why?
Because I chose for it to be this way
It really blinded me from all the really fun and hyper stuff I did today (grr)
Flew a kite (yay)
+
Bridged
+
Had quality photog bonding time (or so I believed but yays anyway)
kristyn covered O'nite super mega ultra reluctantly and half-heartedness really didn't get me anywhere with the photo-taking. I was pissed with the prosumer. Ugh >_> & I just wanted to get home so badly. Thankfully, 167 took only 2omins to reach home plus the random 'emo' music from shuffle mode helped (:
kristyn really really didn't want to cover orientation.
But why did she go? She could have said no. (gosh it's super rhyme-y)
Besides accounting to myself, there were others (esp those I respect) whom I needed to account to as well.
In the end, the mega hot water bath I took helped soothe the negativity & the photog bonding time (after conducting CBA) offsets the indignance felt towards the unwillingness and compulsion due to accountability (though the blistered toes stay e-e-e)
CHEERS ((:
Tags; accountability
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Well, today didn't go too bad afterall.
Oh right, the previous post was on impulse (: Now I rmb what I wanted to share today.
Hah, I've kinda realised that the 6hrs of school today exceeded the amount of sleep I got from yesterday night. Cool huh?
Gosh, random sms-es plus ..gosh you should really ought to see the look I have on my damn face now. LOL. The ''boh pian'' look & the ''wanna say but nothing comes out of your mouth'' feeling.
What can I do about these??
IsB save me!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, how many times do I need to experience this?
It's really like slapping me in the face and then saying sorry.
Haven't I had enough?
Friends and family alike
I really don't enjoy having given a possibility and then having that glimmer dashed by the same person.
Someone I really really love (daddy).
Well, since it's not the first, I should really try to get used to it huh? Besides, it's really something very minor. But even the slightest bit could inflict pain.
Hmm.. & kristyn chants: let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go......
Oh, another thing about me:
I don't like the capital K
Hah
Tags; happy orientation bro!
Oh right, the previous post was on impulse (: Now I rmb what I wanted to share today.
Hah, I've kinda realised that the 6hrs of school today exceeded the amount of sleep I got from yesterday night. Cool huh?
Gosh, random sms-es plus ..gosh you should really ought to see the look I have on my damn face now. LOL. The ''boh pian'' look & the ''wanna say but nothing comes out of your mouth'' feeling.
What can I do about these??
IsB save me!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, how many times do I need to experience this?
It's really like slapping me in the face and then saying sorry.
Haven't I had enough?
Friends and family alike
I really don't enjoy having given a possibility and then having that glimmer dashed by the same person.
Someone I really really love (daddy).
Well, since it's not the first, I should really try to get used to it huh? Besides, it's really something very minor. But even the slightest bit could inflict pain.
Hmm.. & kristyn chants: let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go......
Oh, another thing about me:
I don't like the capital K
Hah
Tags; happy orientation bro!
Damn what is wrong with me?
How come I don't feel sleepy?
How come I had the mood to complete 2hrs worth of tutorials after my news?
this is not supposed to happen ):
I'm really gonna die tmr - 6hrs straight w/o any breaks.
But I've prepared coffee tmr in the smallest water bottle ever. Waha.. Though I doubt I'll feel tired tmr.. Based on my intuition xD
Alright, I'm really getting paranoid over the lack of time this week when I've realised I actually have time to complete the more important stuff... o_o
Must be the additional 3 econs essays from Mr Fok.
And Miss Salina gave me the ''you better do the last two parts of your case study or i'll gg-fy you'' look during econs today... That freaked me out. Plus Chem H3! Gosh, I couldn't really follow today. The fact that the tutorial had only 5 questions made everything worse.
O-K-A-Y
My life doesn't only revolve around school and work alright?
During GP and the few lectures today, my mind momentarily drifted to Valentine's.
How am I going to find time to bake? x_x
Ahhh... Just have to plan my time well next week (:
And it just feels awfully wrong to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*Needs IsB!*
(I'm gonna tag something really random)
Tags; Freedom without accountability
How come I don't feel sleepy?
How come I had the mood to complete 2hrs worth of tutorials after my news?
this is not supposed to happen ):
I'm really gonna die tmr - 6hrs straight w/o any breaks.
But I've prepared coffee tmr in the smallest water bottle ever. Waha.. Though I doubt I'll feel tired tmr.. Based on my intuition xD
Alright, I'm really getting paranoid over the lack of time this week when I've realised I actually have time to complete the more important stuff... o_o
Must be the additional 3 econs essays from Mr Fok.
And Miss Salina gave me the ''you better do the last two parts of your case study or i'll gg-fy you'' look during econs today... That freaked me out. Plus Chem H3! Gosh, I couldn't really follow today. The fact that the tutorial had only 5 questions made everything worse.
O-K-A-Y
My life doesn't only revolve around school and work alright?
During GP and the few lectures today, my mind momentarily drifted to Valentine's.
How am I going to find time to bake? x_x
Ahhh... Just have to plan my time well next week (:
And it just feels awfully wrong to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*Needs IsB!*
(I'm gonna tag something really random)
Tags; Freedom without accountability
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Oh! And I forgot to post 5 things about myself:
a) I like to walk behind my didi when we're out (So I don't have to open doors for myself xD)
b) I am especially nice to people I don't normally care about when I'm deep in thought/reflecting
c) My best friend in mom's office is the hand dryer
d) I grow my nails because they make me appear more feminine. Or so that is how I see it (:
e) I wear T-shirts out when I'm feeling insecure (Don't ask me why I feel insecure - it may be attributed to several reasons)
Tags; Random
a) I like to walk behind my didi when we're out (So I don't have to open doors for myself xD)
b) I am especially nice to people I don't normally care about when I'm deep in thought/reflecting
c) My best friend in mom's office is the hand dryer
d) I grow my nails because they make me appear more feminine. Or so that is how I see it (:
e) I wear T-shirts out when I'm feeling insecure (Don't ask me why I feel insecure - it may be attributed to several reasons)
Tags; Random
Fig. 1: badly squashed macarons
Lol. That was what cracked us up at dinner today.
My bro totally forgot his friend gave him these for FREE! (she works at bakerzin)
Ah well, so my mom happily placed her ultra super duper heavy handbag on his bag, and this is the product. Well, Daddy still enjoyed eating them.
E-E-K.
Well, I woke up feeling really freaking !"@#$#!@&* today too, coz my mum was in the bathroom so I can't wash up. But yeah, I kept telling myself to NOT be so wilful and childish, and uh..I guess that kinda worked? I broke out of my emo-ness in the evening! Hah, but seriously, I've kinda just realised (again) how I've wasted my entire day emo-ing when there's really many things to cheer about:
1) I've half-conquered VECTORS!
2) I've completed the photog keychains! Started making them yesterday.
3) There was no tuition today! (but this means 3 additional FULL LEngTH essays to keep me company on Fri&SAt)
4) ICE CREAM AT U.d.d.e.r.s!!
OMG.. I tried the Mao Shan Wang Durian flavour today..and of course, I had to let my family taste the Orange Bittersweet Chocolate. Woah was tht delicious! The durian didn't really appeal to me though =x Second time there, & it was just awesome! The ice cream is really affordable, when you compare it with the other more expensive brands. And it's really just so very different. I love the texture! Shall bring everyone there some day! WHEE!!! No pics though.. I was busy writing my name on the wall (they had surfaces specially pinned up for writing) and by the time I returned to that small bowl, the 2 scoops were almost gone. Well, y-u-m-m-y <3
Tags; don't waste your life
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