Everyone's gone now.
Yesterday went so bad.
Life without friends can be just so... dreadful.

He refused to let me play his psp.
He whacked me hard.
He scolded me for making such a damned cake.
He ignored me.

Well. I have no one who wants to hang out with me now.
They're all busy with their own things.
I don't even have a school to go to.
Despite all these, I can't deny how blessed I am.

Back to my loner life eh?
AH HA.
That's good.
I get to re live the old days.

Even the online world's deserting me.
That's fine.
I have my own music to turn to.
The tears have stopped flowing.
Music does help if you believe it does.

(:

Am i really not giving in enough?
I never wanted to start the sms thing.
But I did.
Twice.
Is this still not enough?

Everyone has company.
How come I dont?
I've tried hard to find.
But this just makes me more unfriendly when people I meet are not very nice
sometimes.

It hurts.
Crying hurts.
Hoping hurts more.

My head hurts.
My heart hurts the most.

I want to return to sch..

Dear bloggggggg!!!!
我真的有那么令人讨厌吗？
I really feel like vanishing now.
Things just seem to..deteriorate.
They really don't seem to improve.
No one to talk to me and just..listen.
Right now, I really need someone who would just listen to my every word.
Even if they're unpleasant.
That's why I'm here.
you really make me cry. Lols.
that's good eh?
It makes the negativity disappear for a while.
I'll find something to keep me alive.

Hello dear blog..

I'm back.
it has been a day.
didn't sleep as well as i had thought i would.
-_-... woke up at five plus..heard the rain.. and tossed for a while before going back to sleep.
i was praying for my maid to close the windows. =x.. didn't feel like getting up. hee.
didn't dream of anything. :(

the first thing i wanted to do was to tell you everything that happened yesterday.
lol.
and i still feel i'm eating to live for breakfast. >_>
aihs.

yesterday.. finally i did not have to cry myself to sleep.
happy for me right? =D
lol.

blog..
do you think..
do you think he'll treat me differently after all that's happened?
lol.
i think so eh.
nvm.
let's stuff words into your mouth.



blog: yeah. i think he will too.

huh...really ah?

blog: you said so yourself wad.

oh.. ok loh.

hmm..dear blog,
tht's what i wanted to ask.
thx for listening again. :)
have to go chiong my mcq le..
now my source of motivation is back. =D

blog: congrats. =)

thx thx! =D

I can't let go. still can't.
lol.

love ya blog~

Lol...
Dear blog,..
those are just some random thoughts that speed through my mind every day.
now you know what i'm thinking of.
don't mind me.
i wonder if girls think of those ?

There are certainly more.
i'll share with you more random thoughts more randomly on random days.
love ya blog.
thx for giving me a space to let out.
do you think i'm insane?
ha... perhaps.
this happens when i do not have anyone to really talk to.
talking to myself is worse aint it?..
lols. nvm. i like talking to you.
at least you won't scold me.
you won't blame me.
you won't say nasty things to me.
thx for being here when i needed someone. lol.. even though you're not real.

Hello dear blog..

My laptop's sot!
Ugh! The internet connection sucks!
Damn.

Gosh..

笑容没了
距离有了
快乐也走了

from a song. aptly used.
I still can't get used without starting a sentence with a cap.
anyways..
It'll be on and off. So yeah.
Bear with me dear blog.

ya know.. I visit the forum..like.. more than ten times a day.
If not.. it'll be the same blog over and over again.

Bored.
My chem's really hopeless!!
it's turning bad..
phy didn't go too well too..
do you think the O lvls would set those kinda qns?..

nvm.. people stupid ma..

aiseh.. i'm really running out of things to say to you.
i've told you all i needed to let out.
except a few too private stuff.
nvm. you'll understand right?
=)

this would be my 7th post today to you.
i'm good eh?
one day can let out tht amt of crap.
lols.
i seem to be immune to music..
i can't sleep well.
why?
and i wake up much earlier than before.
why?

i'm very tired.. blog..
i have no one to chat with.
except you,
you who won't reply.
you who knows everything abt me.
you who i confide in.
you who.. makes me express myself through words.
expressions? behaviour?
you can't see them.
if only you could,
then you would have been able to understand me better.
and perhaps walk out of the screen to lend me a shoulder.

but all those won't come true.
for sure.
dear blog..
why did i agree on that day?
did i even agree?
i can't remember..
if i hadn't.. things would have been much better.

dear blog, why did God create love b/w boys and girls?

why did he create two genders?

dear blog, why am i asking all these despite knowing you won't ans?

dear blog.. is it true dreams will not come true?

dear blog, why am i so demanding, selfish, inconsiderate, and.. stupid?

dear blog, do you think i'm like this?..

You know... I thought..

Friends were forever.

Hey blog! I'm back!

lols. i'm not starting my sentences with a cap until that little finger gets stronger.
i'm gonna train it!
happy for me right?
ha. maybe it's ill. lols. yeah guess so.
hope it's the common finger flu.
hee.

i shall jam later. before i return to my room and start abcd-ing.
it's..tiring.
oh but i improved!
i made one mistake less eh.
=D

yeah, it's pretty comforting.
dad's back. gtg.
wait till the song's over.

right.. i've completed the whole set of..ok..except for the first few epi.. of ai qing mo fa shi! =D
finally.. lol. i've been chiong-ing it eh.. min 3 epi a day. 3.5 hrs gone a day like this..

but..nvm.

ok. i'm going. cya. hopefully i'll be back.

Hello dear blog,

I'm back.
I don't feel like doing chem anymore..
ya know.. the more I do, the more hopeless I become.
Why am I making mistakes even at this stage?
My Os are next week. Monday.
I cannot go on like this.

Dear blog,

as for my dream, it's not important now.
So.. Just let it be.
Luckily I didn't promise to tell you,
lol.

Dear blog,

My bro is still fighting with me.
lols. He was supposed to visit the gym with me.
But, .. hmm..maybe later.
I don't have the mood to leave home.
I just wanna stay at home and talk to you the whole day.
Maybe I'll dream about you coming alive later.
Ha.

I'll be back blog.
Wait for me..
Back to chem. Coz my bro's watching the vcd.
I'm left with the last episode!
Chiong-ed it since friday.
=x... Luckily didn't affect my preparation for ss and bio.
It was a source of motivation eh.. Since mine was already gone.
Lol.. I'll accompany you for a while more. Till the song's over. =)

Ah gong's still very noisy and irritating.. -_-...
Sometimes, I ask myself..
Is he going to die soon?
He's really suffering.
He can't move.
Can't feed himself.
Can only talk and talk..
Ya know.. his back is somewhat injured.
It's colourful though.. yellow, green and red.
Yellow..should be pus.
Green.. the blue black which is still maturing.
Red..blood and the flesh.
It was eww.. looks darn pain to me eh..
And..his back bone looked.. protruding.

eek.

purest of pain ending soon..
Ah.. I mean the song blog. Lols.
now it's the next song.

The purest of all pain makes me feel alive ya know blog.
Is it good? Ha.
Guess so eh?

Right.. And ah gong's veins.. have somewhat clotted.
In his fingers.. It's black.
And his arm..

Haih.. I really wonder if this is what he wants.
Is he happy? Just lying there.

I miss my grandma.. T_T
Havent visited her for quite some time..
Since the exams began.
She should have forgotten me I guess.
No lah.. I'm so cute and chubby.
Lol. Even if she did, I'll make her rmb me.

I have to go blog.
The song's ending soon.
Cya.

Hello dear blog.
It has been 10 mins.
ha.
hmm..ya know.
i love scrolling through my posts.
the happy ones.
at least they make me..happier?
naturally. for a few seconds.
i think that's indulging.
a few seconds are a lot.
many things happen within those few seconds.
dear blog..
do you think i should write in a different colour?
lols. maybe when i reach the tenth post.
how abt bold it or not?
let's make the words straight.
the fullstop looks more handsome. hee.
ok. i shall go do something else.
i hope, i dream tonight again.
so i can tell you all abt it tmr. =D
the pins and needles in my foot are gone. =D

right. i've deleted post 4. lol. it was crappy.
this shall replace no. 4. =]

Dear blog,

How I'd wish I could talk to you for as long as I could.

Dear blog,

Why did God create memories?

Dear blog,

I remember the good and bad.

Dear blog,

I can't visualize myself in the future.
It used to be very clear, but now.. It's getting blur.
Hehhh... It rhymes blog!
Ah well...
Why is this so?

Dear blog, tmr's Deepavali!
Happy Deepavali!

Dear blog, I'll tell you my dream later. Remind me to.
Love ya,
Kristyn.

Dear blog,

Why is she pissed with me for something I've not done wrong ?
I called back but nobody answered.
I sms-ed.. but to the old number.
unknowingly.
do you think she's still pissed?

Dear blog,

Can you come alive and talk to me?
I have no one to turn to now.
As I scroll down my contacts, friends who seem far away.
In their own world.
Most are oblivious to what you know.
Besides telling you,
I really have no one else to confide in.
Do I really have to suppress all these?
And keep telling left off. That it should just follow right?

You know blog,

sometimes, I feel what right wants badly. Very temporary.
Sometimes, I feel what left wants even stronger.
These 2 are making me too awake.

Thx blog, for listening to me again.
I'll be back.
Hopefully, my baby nephew would cheer me up. Even though he's abt a month old.
Lols.. I bet Asher's cute.
Babies are.

Dear blog,

Pls tell me what to do.
Pls tell me where to head.
Pls ..

How do I tell you I want a hug from you badly ?

No.. Abolish that thought and start retreating girl.