The worst thing a friend could possibly do is to say 'goodbye'.

It hurt so much when you wonderful girls said goodbye. I felt my heart wring for once.

How am I to adapt to the pain of separation? It happens all the time. Sec 2. Sec 4 now. I'm so used to seeing all 39 of you in class. And now,... Even if we do meet each other regularly for a meal or something, the feeling will never be the same.

The joy of being able to see you girls every day can never be replaced. Never.

This has to be worse than break ups b/w girls and guys. Seriously, I know we should all move on.

Memories are what I have now. All of you were and will remain a piece of jigsaw in me. Physically, you all can't be there. But at the back of mind, you'll see me clinging on so tightly to those pieces of jigsaw. Memories can't be erased. But they do become forgotten.

Will I forget 4/1?

Maybe. But for now, 4/1 'o7, once a part of my life, will continue being a part of me. A part. Not apart. Never.

You people entered my heart, left footsteps in the wet cement. Now, the cement has hardened to form a foot path, and all your steps are permanent. Ugh. Must you really do this to me?...

Come to think of it, everything does come with a price tag.

You want friends, you have them. Pay for the hurt when you separate.

I'd rather have best friends and pay.

Now. This very moment. That sense of loneliness I used to experience is back. It's not neglect or anything negative. It's purely returning to the past. Where I used to be. Where I should have not moved from. Where everything in my life was duller. It should be considered normal for me.

Today didn't go very bad. Neither did it go well.

It's black.

Okaye. My laptop just blacked out. And shut down by itself. So I shall not elaborate again.

Bleh blah bluhhh!

Me: Mummy, I go ice lemon tee a while yeah.
Mummy: Ok.

Hmm..so when I walked out of the shop, I couldn't find mummy and yee yee. Then I saw the both of them walk out of the Kopitiam next door.

Mummy: Eh..didn't you say you were buying ice lemon tea??
Yee yee: Oh.. Ice lemon TEE a...HAHAHAHA
Me: -_____-..... Well... [they looked flustered when they came out of the kopitiam. And I just had HK milk tea. >_>]

Well. The funniest thing today. So far. Hellols. And I bought 3 pairs of earrings today! 3 for 5 bucks ma..
Although I want heelss. .. . ... . T______T
Gonna mug at Aman's hse tmr. Bought loads of food to stuff ourselves. X_X!!! Feast seh.. Die. SS day tmr. Hope I have time for a lil bio too. At least one paper. Or some memorization. Gonna bake tmr too!! Doubt the bananas can last till monday. X_X

lin said.. its just whether you are prepared to give up something for that person and prepared to commit ..

I'm seriously not giving up all that I have. It's too much to do so.
I'm not going to disappoint my parents for your sake.
I'm not going to disappoint myself for us.
I'm not going to give up my studies and my achievements (if i have any -.-) for a relationship you want.
I'm not prepared.
Not now.

The more I think of this statement, the more I see it at the forum, the more it makes me think. I still don't agree with that. Not fully. Time still plays a very important part. To me, it does.

You spend more than a decade studying.
Sit for major exams.
For a better future. To be able to support your parents.
Yet love just hits you like a bus. During the 'preparing-for-the-future' period.
No doubt, I like how it feels.
I had always thought I knew what true love means. Now.. I find myself still looking for a definition. I don't understand what love it. Maybe a little. I'm still seeking.
Time plays a really important role.
That's why my parents always say "you're still too young lah girl"..

How can you give up your education.. your parents' wishes.. and waste their decade plus of grooming you? Just for the sake of.. l-o-v-e? Even if I can find the balance, my parents won't allow that. Still.. I have not really balanced everything out. I'm choosing to stick to my studies. I wanna earn my 4 million bucks!!!!

All that aside, this doesn't stop me from hanging out with you. Lols.. But my mind's still fixed on the books.

YOU'RE SO FREAKING MEAN. WHAT MU ZHU LOH. MEAN GIP YOU. UTTERLY HONESTLY SERIOUSLY MEAN!!!!!!!!!

Okaye. Stress free day today! Left with a lil chinese essay to complete and some eng revision. All my stress .. i relived it yesterday! So.. I can watch tv today! Or maybe even bake! =D But I ran outta butter. =XX EEK.

I'M NOT GOING ON SATURDAY! HMPH!

Got my Eng prelim oral result back. Hmm.. Ok ok ba. In between 1 and 3; = 2. Lols. Must work harder!!!! Need to revise.. Chem! Phy! We've completed the whole phy syllabus! Woohoo! And..A math! And.E math! to revise. And more more more English!!! More newspapers!! SS!!!! Yes man! Geog..hmm..

Kae. Gtg do homework then revise!! Wheess~~

Today was a bad bad day. X_X!
I was so dreading school!
It sux! Until Math. Which was the last 2 periods. Then I became..smiley-ish.
Cause Aman and I talked about the things we baked during the holiday!
That was enough to make me feel truly burdenless. Thx aman! *BIG HUG!*

Height and weight. Kinda expected so yeah. I'm glad I didn't shrink.

I feel bad blogging. So yeah. I shall go revise some physics later. After this post. In case Mr chan starts asking Qns tmr again. Hmms..

And.. Mai and Hong are like..down with chicken pox. Hmms. Hong's recovering though. Hope Mai's fine.

And I seriously need to make a few personal resolutions!
RESOLUTION#1; WORK DOUBLY HARD TO GET BACK MY 4TH POSITION!
RESOLUTION#2; STOP LYING ON YOUR SHOULDER, STOP ASKING YOU TO CUT YOUR HAIR, STOP GOING OUT WITH YOU. HELLOLS.

Not entirely stop. But yeah. Maybe reduce the frequencies so you have time for other things. =)
And..

RESOLUTION#3; TRY TO SHUT UP MORE OFTEN, REDUCE THE NOTHINGS AND NVMS.

What else? Hmms.. Make you more angry!! HAHAHAHA! I like it when you get angry. At me. Not at anyone else that is. -_-

Still. One thing stays. I'm still gonna perfect your English! =D That's the only thing I ask to care for now. <3

Please keep this blog secret. Only you and I.

Um. Boo?
In the end, I still gave in. Cheers to the very fact that I can't take it anymore. That I will try my best not to hurt you anymore. Friends for now. ''Get that into your thick head girl!''

And yes. I've been waiting for that one msg which will brighten up my day.
It never came.
Reason; me.
I never once gave up although I had tried to.
You have done a lot for me.
Now it's my turn.

Now I am at a loss for words. And I had everything thought out. The music just took away my thoughts for a second.
Hmm...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Do you really honestly seriously know my decision?
I know I was kinda harsh yesterday.
But that was the only way to get the msg across laughing.
And apparently, the msg was wrong.
But if you cared, you would have found your way here long ago.
So should I break it to you?
Or let you find your way here?
I'll see.

Yes. I really don't get it.

Get what?
Maybe now it's my turn to try to let go. This ignoring thing can really kill me. Hahs..
Or perhaps..I should tell myself this; Maybe this is better for you. It should be. The extinction of me can really save many from heartaches and bad luck. Death. It solves all problems. But I doubt it'll bring away your sorrow. Wanna try?

I know this is purely my fault.
Nothing is ever right when I'm around.
I am to blame for all that has occurred.
Hahs.. I'm an awful person to be with.
No matter how I reproach myself, nothing will change.
What's done cannot be undone. But.. I'm still puzzled over what has really been done. Lols.
The fact that now is the absolute wrong time.
The others still stay. If we both allow it to. Or have I made you lose faith in this r/s? If that's the case. Good for you. You're free from the jinx! Grats.

Is this all real?
About true love lasting forever?
It seems fake.
Or is it the fact that people are moving on?
Once, you claimed you love so-and-so. It wasn't just one. Was it? There were.. a few.
You said you'll love so-and-so forever. No matter where so-and-so went.
Even death won't affect this love of yours.
And you repeated it. The whole process.
Just that, the so-and-so now is an entirely different person.
Unique you say. Different. Just so different.
If you had said you'll love so-and-so no matter where so-and-so went before, then why did you change?
Your heart.
Shouldn't it stay?
So does it mean that, .. If I had blew it again...
Like how the previous so-and-so blew it, you can easily move on?
Like before? Like you once did?
I don't know if people will still think of their previous partners when they face a new so-and-so.
I'm new to this whole thing.
I'm still trying to figure everything out.

Option#1; Live in confusion.
Option#2; Stop thinking about this. It has nothing to do with you.
Option#3; Ask the experts.
Option#4; Laugh it off. HAHA. -_-

I'll take option#5. Coz there aint one. I'm not going to choose again.

Personalised kb eh? Hmms.

HEH! I woke up at 1o.49 today. And indeed. I looked at the amt of sunlight coming in and thought to myself; It's 11. >_> And true enough, I was close! I had a dream. Not a nightmare. When I woke up, bro was gone. Younger bro was still in bed. My dreams do have a start and an end. I was in Genting! On the same roller coaster ride I dreamt of before. It was amazing! Although physically, it cannot be found there. But yeah. Maybe it's a ride I would really like to try somewhere on earth. I met yeeyee and Vic. Didn't see Bryan though. As usual. On a boat.. To somewhere. With many many glass bottles. Then, I was awaken by Mummy I think after the roller coaster ride. I wonder if I had screamed. In reality. LOL.

Then. I went back to sleep. I dreamt of Daddy and I queueing up at NTUC. Or some place resembling that supermarket. Hellols. We kept jumping cashier but the ladies there were like social workers. And told us to return to the original queue. >_> So, we went back to our first or second queue. And we got our stuff. And tht's the end of all my dreams.

Somewhere in between my dreams, .. Another pleasant surprise. Which turned out to be harsh when in reality, it never happened.
I never wanted this silence between us.
It's the unpredictable kind of silence.
It's torture.

I should have told you I'm nothing good. Right from the beginning.
Bad luck with me? Or should I use jinx?
My intentions were vague perhaps. But I thought you'd know. To an extent.
I don't know what your thoughts are. Just rest well if you don't wanna think anymore. Do whatever makes you feel better. I'm just that literal. Or maybe superficial.

So.. Have I finally done something correctly as a daughter?
Maybe the awful stress due to the old folks and perhaps work?
You think with your heart. Not your brain. The brain is just a follower. 想; think. The xin at the bottom is evidence.

Reason it out. Damned life.
Theveryfirsttimeyouhungup.

Great. Now I'm sort of left alone at home. When both bros get to go out. I'm stuck with the internet.

Don't feel obliged eh? Hmm.. Maybe I felt obliged in the past. Maybe I still do now. And I know, obligation is not something to be felt in any half broken relationship. Be it with friends or family. If it breaks, it just does. You can't glue it back. You can't mend it. Even if you do, like how you use the best brand of superglue to repair a shattered vase etc, there will still be a flaw. Nothing comparable to a brand new one. Maybe that's how relationship works. Like after some HUGE incident, you and your mum can't possibly communicate as worry-free as before.

What if I decide to break it again? Hellols. Without feeling a tinge of guilt and regret. Not possible. So is that considered obligation? I don't know. All I know is that.. I need to decide. Quick.

If a fullstop ends a sentence.
What then, has the power to end life?
Hellols.
Gd qn.
A decision.

I'm addicted to O2ojam. Hellols. But.. Tomorrow may be the last day I get to really jam my soul out. Explosive2 is beautiful. Went to the library today. Didn't do much there. Was playing around most of the time. Used words to communicate. Used my phone to take a few photos. Then I was horribly interrupted. Crap that guard. So scary. Can't even hear what he wanted to put across. Muffled words.

I don't like narrating my day. So I won't blog until I have a bad day. Hellols. It's a getaway.

Got a lecture from Mummy again. Not about you. About us and I. My decisions and I again. Does compelling work? Gosh... Why is it always abt the same thing? Hurt here hurt there. I've already done the most I could. Stopped. I know what I'm doing ok. I've already 'popped' the conclusion twice. Maybe my life was supposed to be this screwed up. I tried to decide. 2 times. I just couldn't live it then. Now it makes everything negative again. Negative feelings everytime these thoughts resurface. What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do? What is considered right? And what is wrong? Someone tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH! So. Do you want me to make the right decision now? Again? Indeed. A person's happiness is inevitably built on another's sorrow.

Think deeply. There are different levels of depth. And yes, there may not have been an end to those thoughts. Maybe everything was subconscious. I don't know. I don't need to.
IcanthelpitifnooneappreciatesthoseIgiveittothosewhoappreciate.

[Shut up]'s never a good phrase to use.

YES! I MANAGED TO EXCHANGE MY UNFITTING BLOUSE FOR A PAIR OF WHITE CANVAS SHOES. OR RATHER. ELASTIC PUMPS. LOLS.

Time's running out. Let me live this week slowly. Before I return to that extreme pace again.

The silence between people can actually kill the weak heart. Cracks it. And it goes ''piang''. Lols..

Sometimes. Words are better left unspoken. If telepathy exists between the both of you, you don't even need communication to converse. Silence can actually be merciful. Well. One thing's for sure, it's peaceful when you're alone. But when there are people around you and even the drop of a pin could be heard. Now that's scary.

Facts can never be challenged.

Yes I'm turning sixteen soon. But that doesn't mean I can't be young at heart. Ugh. >_>

I shall Depend on myself. Instead of constantly relying on others. Ughss.

Taz.

Okaye. My anger can't last that long. Yes. I was angry with you. From the time I slept yesterday till this afternoon. Ha. But I am not now.

Yes. I am talking to myself. Because apparently, the other party aint paying much attention. So. Technically, I am talking to myself. Another reason for anger to build up within me.

Okaye. Recount of today's events. Grandma's looking much better. She's cute. XD So is Ah gong.
Yeah. Nard bought belts for darren and I. Thx dude. I was deciding between the plaited one and the boyish one. Of course. The latter. Lol. 5 bucks each. But still. I needed a belt for it's main purpose.

THANK YOU NARD! FOR THE KUNG FU MILK TEA. THE PEARLY SOYABEAN MILK. THE BELT. AND YEAH. THX BRO! =D
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think. What makes relationships last long is the fact that perfection doesn't exist. The occasional disagreements. The pining. The rows. The.. disapproval of the other party's actions. To sum up. Imperfection.

This just highlights how useless she can actually be. The world does not and will not stop turning for her sake. It continues moving. Moving on. True enough, as she condemns herself and locks herself up in this tiny world of hers, far away from the real world, the only thing that doesn't change is change.
Her words now carry zero value. They are now nothing but a mere form of communication. She recognises that herself. Useless, everyone would call it.
Depending on the comfort of music and sheer memories make her recoil further.
She just can't seem to penetrate this protective barrier people had built for her. Now, let her shy away and hide in her own pathetic world.
It's just one of the bad days.

The cup is empty now. Nothing but a few drops of water which could vanish in a matter of moments. As water vapour. So is the soul. Immersed in music. Music which could not be felt nor seen. Virtual. It can't be contained. And so.. emptiness pervades.

Okaye. I seriously didn't plan for everything..anything that happened yesterday. It was rocky. Till I met my mummy's secondary sch friend. Her best friend. Till now. Auntie Linda. She was nice! =D She treated us to dinner at 9.30pm. >_> Yeah. Food felt good inside me. LOLs. Mummy tried to snatch the bill from her. But yeah. Auntie Linda got it. And nard was like.. He took his wallet out. Then.. I thought he wanted to pay. But ..turned out that..his wallet was empty. -_-

Nard: Eh..I have a lot of money. Dunno how to spend.
Neo: Buy me that 299 pair of heels just now ma.
Nard: Siao a.. I can give you 5o.
Neo: Waseh. Give me give me. I want a belt. 5 dollar one. A long black skirt and heels. =D

But in the end. He didn't. And he said he could give me money. T_T Fine. nvm. I shall depend on myself! Hmph. Ah ma was admitted into ttsh yesterday. I hate that place. Gosh. How many freaking times have I been there. Anyway. She needs blood top up. As in. She has a very very low blood count. One third of a healthy person. She was so yellow and pale. T_T Okaye. I sort of wasted 3 hrs in ttsh. But yeah. Looking at my ah ma and holding her hand just makes me feel it's worth it.

And my feet were aching the whole of yesterday. Damn. Daddy shouldn't have insisted on me wearing comfy shoes when I was younger. Mummy should have just.. Forced my tiny feet then, into small shoes. Then my feet wouldn't be as big. LOL. Yeah. And I was so touched when Nard offered to let me play djmax on his psp. T_T Coz I had this..gonna die look on my face perhaps.

Hope ah ma gets her blood transfusion today. Haih.. Hmm..

Taz people.

Now I wonder. Is it really true that some people can change for others? Change for the better.
I know people have changed for the worst. Definitely. Hatred.
Like when the word [evil] can be unscrambled to form veil, live, vile. Amazing.
Ha.. So much for some people changing to please others. Imperfection carries no cure. The degree can only be abated. Some people expect others to change for their own good. Which is not wrong. But then again, if you had changed for anyone, your present self wouldn't be you anymore. Then.. pple won't be liking you for who you are. But for what you are. It's confusing. Contradicting. There are still the pros and cons of changing. Sigh.

If you can't change it, accept it.

Now that's not something that can be achieved easily. Perhaps..to balance everything, something, anything. Slight changes may help.

Okaye. Today went. Hmm. Fine I suppose. Bought a coughing ashtray for daddy. To remind him of the deadly effects of smoking. Trying to get him to quit. >_>! Fantastic 4 was a very very short movie. But.. I was happy I got to satisfy my craving for prata! XD Yummy!!

Bought mummy's favourite sour gummi. Bugis. The cinema there sux. >_> The bus ride home was so bumpy. LOL. Yeah. I can hardly contain my laughter. That's why I always woke up.. smiling or.. laughing. -_- ... Due to all those thoughts inside me. LOL. They just go wild.

Then. I think about fashion. Dress sense. Tsk Tsk. It's the first thing that gives you away. The first thing which makes up peoples' impressions of you. Don't be SGB. Don't support the strange. Be a man! LOLS. Or a lady! Be someone I have nothing to pick on. That will stop the fluid flow of thoughts. ._.

Taz! *anti-SGB*

Today was a sleepy day. Woke up at 9.33am. Coz I had this feeling it was nine plus. So I dragged myself out of bed to make the mango pudding. Which was quite successful I guess. Daddy says I added too many chunks of mangoes in it. X_X Bleh. Nvm. What's done cannot be undone.

Then. Chatted online for a while. Searched for recipes as usual. Then daddy's sms and call came. After my shower. And I had to rush out of house to the porch for him to pick me up. Then. We were on our way to white sands. For nard's POP. Tsk. It was a sunny yellow banana day. Scorching seh. LOL. All the recruits were sweating like mad.

Anyway. Daddy and I tried some HK food at white sands. Nice. And then. He indulged me in Ben and Jerry's. Ugh. And later. He asked if I wanted bubble tea. bleh. He's seriously indulging his daughter. X_X! With good food. Eek. I want clothes. xD

Okaye. So everything ended at 7 plus. Then I went to Marina square to get my topshop blouse. I thought of tmr on the train. That kept me awake. Or I would have slept big time. =X Anyway..That one or two mins of sleep on the ferry earlier should have sufficed. And my skin's peeling like mad again. God no. X_X!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The best relationships aren't about open communication and honesty. They are the ones where both parties try their best to ensure the other isn't disappointed.

Every tick of the clock takes something away from you. Perhaps .. a millionth of a millionth of your youth.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dreams. Are they really a 'royal road' into the unconscious? Made up of all the forbidden wishes you had and wished you didn't? You spend a sixth of your life dreaming. Now. That's a lot of dreams we have there. Do dreams really come true? Honestly, some parts of my virtual dreams came true. So real.. So factual. It was yearned. Now I have it. Unimaginable eh? Yeah. Pretty.

But.. some of your actions may just shatter them. Like when my mirror broke into bits and 2 pieces. So dangerous.. So difficult to maintain this pleasant dream; to reach out for another dream of mine. In this case, it's a goal. An aim. Have an aim in life. It'll make you work hard.

Conquer the future. Don't let it conquer you; Be fearless.

I'm off. Into a different world. Taz.

Darren's funny. He's become much more open with his sis. That's good. At least we're communicating more. He can really act like an SG. Sissified gay. LOL. EEEK! X_X

Yeah..Guess today went quite fine. Sneaked into TP. Kinda got exposed. By 2 peeps who came to preach about God. As if I hadn't gotten enough facts and ''I'll-go-to-hell-if-i-don't-believe-in-God'' advice from other people. Bleh. And I couldn't really understand them. Perhaps it's due to them whispering. Library. Blah. It was very cold indeed.

It was fun to be a poly student for tht mere 3 hrs. xD And I shall stop torturing people with my dry dry dry brownie. >_> And.. My heaty cookies and muffins. BLEH!! That's the end of it. Something I wanted to do so badly. Something that could take me away from my crapped up life for a while. Ugh. I shall try something else.

And I'm still that wilful, unreasonable, illogical girl immersed in sugar and honey.

Take me away.

Bleh. Just came home from Northpoint. Shoots. I got the times mixed up. Tuition's at 7.oo not 5.3o. Arghs. So malu. X_X! Anyway. LAUGH IT OFF! La laaa~ -____-

Baking went fine today. Used a crappy newfound recipe. I'm not touching tht again. Everrr. My supposed cookie transformed into a brownie. Which was too dry and with added milk..it turned into a cake. -_- But the banana muffins were as good as before. Laaa~

My first 'cake'.

I like this one the best. It was dry in a nice way. (:



The 3 of them. Placed side by side. My maid insists I put them together for daddy. Daddy says the bottom right one was nice.

Gtg. I'm being bugged to have dinner now. Ugh. Taz.

Damn I'm stressed!
With all the holiday homework ..being completed so pathetically slowly. Gosh. It's heavy. Suppressing the hyped up me. Ugh.
And I'm baking tmr. Again. Yes again. I have to use those bananas. Damn. >_>
But I swear I won't bake until I complete my ss homework. At least after 2 of the 4 essays and one SBQ.
Then. It'll be down to English. I can still cope with that. No worries I hope.
And A math. I just feel like chiong-ing my A math through the night. At least get it all done. Prelim paper. It's long. Long long long..
I still have E math. But I don't have the TYS. So.. guess I can skip that. =X
Chinese. Still have 2 compres to go.
At least. After all those..The burden won't be as heavy. I hope.
Then it'll be down to my own stuff. I need time for myself. Shoots. *thinks positively*
Whatever it is. I have to complete everything by wednesday! Then I'll probably have time for tuition hw. If there's any. Gosh.. I'm crapped up.
I need my personal time to study! And not be bogged down by all that crappy hol hw. Argh!!

Whees! Home sweet home!

Shopped like hell today. Legs really ache eh.. Returned with my sore sole feeling worse. X_X!
I went out with one bag; returned with 8. Hmm. Only SOME of the things bought were mine hor. =X I still can't take my mind of that skirt I saw at marina yesterday. When daddy, mummy and I went shopping. Rare for daddy to actually walk into this fashion today with mummy and I. xD

That skirt at Marina..was darn pretty. T_T The price is darn pretty too. -_- 79 bucks before discount. 5o plus bucks after discount. T_T Baleno: attitude. They have quite nice stuff there. Bleh. So I had to settle for another skirt which was not too bad looking from TF. La!! LAAA. xD Cheaper too. MUCH cheaper. =X

And I still havent got my topshop blouse. Grrrr! Haih.. Ran outta sizes. And the lady said it will expand. So I'm still considering between an 8 or 10. Blehhh! I've been waiting..for..one month plus for that blouse. T_T

Yeah. And my shopping experience was wonderful. It will always be.. WAHA!

Cya! Happy shopping! =D

*Waittt! Choto! I still have many wants! WA LA LA. XD*
*black jacket; topshop blouse;* .. yeah. That's it. See! So little! XD Coz I bought my lens, skirt and book today. Jodi picoult rox! My heels... my 4 inch heelsss....Daddy will buy for me! Some day! Hmm..will that day ever come?..

TAZ! <3

Yeah. I was pissed with ya all today. Can't you even do a freaking survey? It doesn't take much of your time dude. And you people were bored up in class. Wth.

Can't you see the others are just walking away? Not giving a damn for this pathetic soul. Yes. And she's downright pathetic.

You can choose not to do it for the chair. But what about a friend? Just makes me laugh and doubt the close bond we shared. It was disheartening. And messing her hair at that very moment made her feel worse. Much worse. It will just spark those sraet. Damn.

She's a strong strong girl.

For some people, love is sweeter than sugar.
For others, love is nothing but lies.
For me, love is purely full of doubts. It has too many flaws.

Friends. They'll be gone. Some day. It will end. Like the 'END' in Friends. Like the end of the rainbow. Bright colourful rainbow; It'll lose its colour one day.

Change my mindset. Thanks;
Don't neglect.

Love.

It's a time bomb.

When it goes off.. Love just evolves into hatred. The sweetness encompassed in bitterness. The hatred embedded in the past love. It's dangerous. It builds people and brings them up. Up up up..to the very top. If handled carelessly.. It destroys the hopes of people. Bring them down..down..down. To a place worse than hell.

It's not a good thing to play with. Come to think of it..it isn't exactly a time bomb. It's something more complicated. Something not to be messed with. Associate it with an object?

I'd say; a delicate rose surrounded by thorns. Don't even touch it unless you're 100% confident of handling it well.

Hatred. Evil. They're all derived from love and good.

Sometimes.. Things don't happen the way you want them to. Your brain really does think differently from your mind. But ultimately,..your actions go accord with the heart. I guess..that's the fascinating thing.



Yeah. The feelings..the bonds formed..are indeed difficult to let go. I can't stand the way I'm living. In such unhappiness..trying to cover this negativity with fakes and more fakes. It's not how I wanna live. So.. I've taken another step. Try to make everyone happy. That's life for you. (:
I just needed this song to catalyse the guilt and sorry inside. To ignite the tears..so toxins will flow.. Sorry. I know I've hurt you many many times. I'm just this indecisive ass who doesn't deserve the kinda happiness everyone's trying to find. Yes. And I am just that selfish idiot. The tears have dried. Bye.

If this is what you want. I'll leave you alone.

Bye people.

Everything just feels so real now. So harsh. So correct. So deserving.

Yeah. She deserves all that's happening to her right now. Well..not to be mean, but she was the one who started everything. And..the one to destroy it. Is she slowly destroying all her friends? All the beautiful relationships she tirelessly maintained?

Yes. And I say.. She's truly suffering from the consequences of every step she has taken. Is she happy? Who cares. Nobody cares. And that's retribution. Aint it?

She's fearful of opening the door. Of carving out a similar relationship. Seriously, she should just die. Well.. Being dead is when you can really escape from everything. Not the solution though.

But I'm proud of her. For even trying. Boldly trying. Even though she had somewhat anticipated the outcome. No. It wasn't expected. But still. It's not positive.

I'm proud of her. For appearing so strong. And not constantly trying to gain sympathy. Her world's locked up for now. And the door has closed. Nobody is gonna get in. For now. Sealed.

And she has been a bad girl. Doubtful of her own thoughts and decisions. But yeah. Slash your wrist gurl!

The End.

All these crap just proves that she made the right decision. She will never ever live to regret this I bet ya. She's happy now. Truly very happy. How far will I support this statement?

All I'll say is that.. It's not a sweeping statement.

She's laughing. Laughing hard. Back to envy. Back to the real competitive world.

She doesn't fancy the dreams. Impractical. Unrealistic for a pragmatic being like her. And she doesn't approve of escapism. Never. Heck what others speak. Heck what others do.

Many better things out there to do. To keep myself occupied. Self consolation works. Momentarily. But still, it does work. I'm sick and tired. Of you acting this way. I can do nothing but to accept it. As much as I detest it.

It isn't the end of the world. Be a man. Stop using plastic bags.

Giving up doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're strong enough to let go. (Only applicable to certain cases)

Love not for the sake of loving.
Don't worry, this will be the last time I'm ever gonna hurt you. I guess, we were never meant to be together. If we are, time will tell.

So yeah. Were all the LOLs a facade? Hmm.. I don't know. No strong feeling(s) felt.

Covering them up perhaps? To an extent that I don't even know if it exists.

Vague. Yeah.

Grill the chicken dude!

Taz.

Escapism is worse than making the wrong decision.

To escape for a while may be helpful. But there's a limit to everything.

Don't live in the shadows of reality. Face it if it happens. Live in reality itself. I guess that's the only way to combat it.

It may be painful to some. But anything which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

I don't wanna be a kite. I wanna be like the bird. Random-ness rules.

Okaye. So I'm back from Tasmania. Cold place. Beautiful island. The experience was awesome. Like none other. A million times better than the conference last year to be honest. Bonds formed..required hard work. Effort was put in. Now..the strong bonds are difficult to even weaken, let alone be broken. This made the tears flow..flow into reality. Separation is inevitable I know. The past week was incredible. I miss Cindy.. T_T

Anyway, I'm sick of words. Let the pictures do the talking this time before I end this post..

Rainbows are pretty common in Tas.

Don't they look delicious? EEK.

At an exhibition.

My adopted 'son'. With the mic. Kinda spastic but yeah.

Michelle in the foreground; Cindy in the bg. From tw.

HT. My xiu di di.

Say 'YO!'

To conclude, this trip was the ultimate injury prone trip for me. It was kinda horrendous and I shan't elaborate much. The boarding sch was cool. Games room, pool table, table tennis, basketball courts, soccer field, SING STAR! We sang a lot man. I took 300 over pictures with my darling phone. It worked well. I've kept all those precious memories in my tiny little box. Nope..hmm..actually..it's a ziploc bag.

Now I'm back into reality. Can't defy it. There's just this fixed way of my life planned out for me and that's called reality. I have to live it till the day I'm strong enough to rebel against it. Back to my hol h/w.

Taz.