sometimes I wonder if a screw in me has come loose

occasionally, the feeling that the sky's gonna fall on me anytime now can really be so immense;

it's like that very strand of DNA which codes my sanity is thinning

*snap*

I bet you it will if I continue contemplating the 'what ifs'

what if I don't meet up to expectations anymore?

My own expectations, and of course my parents'. It's really not about lowering the expectations. It's about rebelling against myself lol.

Yeah, resisting the rebel in me just drains my being. Ah well, be glad it comes only once in a while xD

what if I tell my parents I'm very stressed and I don't wanna study anymore, that I just want a hug from 'em?

Hah, I could easily do that and then be free from chemistry! It has been chem the whole week.
Well, telling myself taking h3 chem purely for the sake of interest clearly isn't helping in any way. Still, realising how stupid and careless I was just takes a further toll on me. Then again, 'learn from your mistakes' - how to when sometimes, all you get is one opportunity and that's it?

When I fail to adhere to my organiser, guilt sets in.

And this means, I had never not done anything planned out in my organiser (thanks a lot jy for that organiser) That said, completing every single task laid out for myself, by myself, always seems so satisfying despite many other opp costs involved.

When I don't meet up to expectations, guilt sets in.

And this usually means that regardless of how much I have to sacrifice, I'd make sure I'm there. Like.. there THERE. Doing whatever it takes - and this may not be that positive. Irreversible damages are often inevitable - white hair (more of 'em) & darker eye circles

Oh, now that I think of brain cells..
I wonder
Do my brain cells like die .. die?
Or do they burst with info overload, then die?
Or maybe they expand beyond their limits (with more info) and then die a complete cell?
Perhaps, they expand to their limits, and then all the info vanishes, and then they shrink and shrivel and then DIE.

Tags; s h e ' s n o t m a k i n g s e n s e