For the sake of Bella, who MAY just drift past this blog;

I'M LIVING MY DECISIONS.

MY LIFE FEELS SO WRONG AND WEIRD. SINCE LIFE IS BUILT FUNDAMENTALLY ON DECISIONS, ARE MY PAST DECISIONS WRONG? I HAVE NO REGRETS WHATSOEVER. HONESTLY. IT IS THAT EVERY SMALL, INSIGNIFICANT DECISION EVERY DAY WHICH BUILDS MY CHARACTER. AND THE NUMBER OF DECISIONS MADE JUST GROWS.. UNTIL THEY BECOME A PART OF YOU. THEY ARE IRREVERSIBLE. THOSE LITTLE STEPS. THOSE WORDS WHICH CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. EVERY TURN. THEY'RE ALL DECISIONS.

DECISIONS WHICH ULTIMATELY DETERMINE WHO I AM TO BECOME. AND NOW. I'M LIVING THE CONSEQUENCE OF THEM. I'VE MADE THE DECISION TO THINK, THINKK, AND THINKKK. AND I'M IMMERSED IN UNHAPPINESS. CONSEQUENCE #1. I'M NOT UPSET. JUST NOT HAPPY EITHER. THINKING TOO MUCH DOESN'T REALLY HELP. ESPECIALLY IF THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AND YOUR THOUGHTS JUST START FLOWING. IT MAKES YOU THINK OF UNREALITIES. THEN. YOU GET YOUR EMOTIONS GOING STRONG. AND BE CAREFUL. THEY AREN'T POSITIVE. I SHALL STOP MY THOUGHTS NOW. 1.52PM.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I HAD ENVISIONED?

It's nice to look back and read through your past thoughts. I won't call it obsession. Just a strange urge to read this post again.