It's over. Isn't it?

Blasting music again. Hoping it can do something to overwhelm this feeling. Of not being able to let go totally. As much as I can't bear to do so, I have to. Coerce myself to do so. An end marks another new start. Doesn't it? There isn't an end. 'Cause there wasn't a start to begin with. It wasn't a proper start. Was it? I don't know. I only know that..Today's the worst day of my life. For as long as I can remember.

Made this decision. I've let you down. I'm sorry. Very sorry. Maybe things will change in the future. This future may be tomorrow,..or... a few days/weeks/years later. God knows. I'm really sorry for being so selfish. I've just realised how selfish I actually am. How selfish love can actually be. All this that I've experienced.. Just tells me how much I don't understand what I've always thought I knew so clearly.

And I'm beginning to question what I've done. I'm not very prepared to commit. I have no confidence to do so. It's very unstable. The heart is wavering so badly. The longer a relationship is, the more difficult it is to let go. Draw a close to it, lest the scar gets embedded too deeply.

I hate myself for being so selfish.
I hate myself for agreeing on that day.
I hate myself for giving you hope.
I hate myself for hurting you so bad.
I hate myself for destroying that hope and faith you had in me.
I hate myself.

Friends do last longer. Let's just be friends for the time being; friends who can last for life.
I ruined 2 relationships today. One of which was beautiful. Yes. And I do suck.

Did I own myself today?